Friday, August 31, 2012

 
 
Um, this guy is awesome. So is the song. Enjoy!




Stumbled upon this little guy while I was walking home from work. Stopped and watched him eat (probably kind of rude) for a few minutes. I was amazed at how close he let me get to him; even more amazed when he let me touch him! I petted him (briefly) and then he flew off to the next flower. It was magical.

Thursday, August 30, 2012

depression sux




I think I was the last person in the world to watch Girl, Interrupted. Now that I've caught up with everyone else, here are my thoughts.

I am glad the movie showed the salty side of mental disorder, and how a lot of times, though not easily or fully, it can be controlled. In the beginning, Winona Ryder and Angelina Jolie's characters' disorders made them dark and sexy and smart and unique. You begin to think that anyone who knows how the world really works should have a mental illness. As the movie progresses, though, you begin to realize how god damn consuming mental illness is, and how it can just completely take you over if you don't put it in its place. And then you'll miss out on the whole fucking world. Does that make you cool and dark and edgy? Or does that just make you a coward?

Winona's character ends up putting her foot down. As her therapist, played by Whoopi Goldberg (yes!), says, she has to make a choice between letting her eccentricities rule her, or channeling them in a way that will let her offer something to society.

Angelina's character doesn't, and she ends up in a straightjacket. She's still damn beautiful and has a lot of great ideas in her head, but they're suffocated in that straightjacket.

Of course, in certain cases and with certain disorders, where reality is continuously blurred, such a choice may not be possible. But sometimes, I believe it is. I'm nowhere near an authority on these things, but as a sufferer of depression and anxiety myself, I know how tempting it is sometimes to just jump down the rabbit hole. That's why this blog is so great for me -- it helps me get some of that energy out. It lets me empty a bit, and then I can face the world.

*photo credit here and here

office artwork




...it's a little slow here today.

Good thing I have multi-textured office supplies and "Tiny Furniture" on Netflix to keep me stimulated.

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

i love people who challenge definitions...


like the man on the Metro today, wearing daffodil colored glasses and a daffodil polo shirt, an even tan, and a curly mop of gray hair... man, right?... and then i looked into his soft eyes and something about the way he carried himself, the light tilt of the head, maybe, and i wasn't sure. but then i decided, it doesn't really matter. what a striking human.

then i remember what my yoga teacher said last night about expectations. and how the source of much of the displeasure in our lives is wanting things to be different than they are, expecting something and not getting it. and how instead of getting all flustered and angry that things aren't the way we want them to be, we should try to learn from it, to really take it in -- what's really going on now, around me, and what can it teach me? and how that doesn't mean settling -- of course there are always some concrete steps you can take to change some things you dislike, but many things you just can't, and there are forces larger than you, and you know, you can just miss the whole darn forest for the trees.

and so when i sit here at my desk, and get bored to the point of tears and feel useless and uninspired and get all mad at myself for not being where i should be right now... and begin falling head-first into the awful trap of envying others whose paths seem more appealing (at least on the surface)... i tell myself to breathe. look around me. appreciate the people here. use the time. appreciate the pace. the security. accept the education your situation is giving you. it as unique as any path, as unique as any human, and maybe not always what you expect it to be. but it can still show you something.

hey look! i'm over there!

The wonderful Karissa of tragic & lovely asked me last week if I'd like to participate in her Woman Wednesday's column, where she asks fellow bloggers to expound their thoughts on an issue affecting the lives of the superior sex. (Ok, so that's very much in my own words, but this is my blog, so sue me.) Heck yes, I was interested!

My assignment was to tackle the question, "What is true feminism?" Wow -- kinda heavy! It was awesome to finally set aside time to pick apart a topic that I consider so relevant and meaningful to my life. Check it out here! And thank you, Karissa, for such a great opportunity to share my thoughts! Yay for awesome blog friends!

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

preach it, mia


Great quote, from one of my favorite movies ever. Can you name that flick? (5,000 cool points to the first who can!**)


* Photo credit here
** Cool points are not redeemable anywhere, for anything. Except in my heart of hearts. If that means something to you, then, congratulations :).

before i die, i want to/antes de morir, quiero...



Stumbled across this awesome interactive street art in Logan Circle the other day. A sampling of the answers:

"Skydive." "Ser millonario." "Kiss Courtney." "Hug my children." "Find Waldo." "Make babies." "Be the change I want to be." "Make my parents proud." "Visit the moon." "Change education." "Tell you that I love you once more."

With purple chalk, I added my own wish to the list.

Reminded me of this beautiful website I'd totally forgotten about. If you're in the mood to be inspired and thankful, take a look.

 
 

*photo credit: first two photos, self; last three, here.

Monday, August 27, 2012

my favorite blog ever

... and i can't read a lick of it because it's in Chinese.

But that's probably for the better. The pictures speak millions of words, and often beautifully capture how I'm feeling.


























For example, the first picture reminds me of myself, late last night, curled up on the floor, making pitiful faces in an effort to convince the Cosmos not to end the weekend. The second picture is exactly how I feel at my desk right now. It's probably how you feel at your desk right now, too. Amiright?

There are few things I love more in the world than squish-faced cats. They just.... get me.

(Happy Monday.)

Thursday, August 23, 2012

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

feeling unaccomplished?

Take comfort in this little article. It sure made me feel better this morning.

I often feel like I'm not where I'm supposed to be... but I'm here right now. I'm supposed to be here right now. Or I wouldn't be.

Maybe tomorrow I will be there. There could be very different from here, or just slightly different from here, or maybe almost identical, like a twin who differs by just that little brown mole over her lip. Regardless, it will be the place that I am, breathing and alive, my heart pumping and my lips moving and my mind creating things. Really, is there anywhere else to be?

bliss is...

finding the sweet spot underneath the one vent in the Metro station.

Monday, August 20, 2012

monday pick-me-up




 



photo credit here

favorite places: shakespeare and company bookstore, paris


It's a habit of mine to seek out bookstores wherever I go. The body of my childhood memories is laced with images of my mother, cozied up on the couch with a book. She bought books in the checkout lines at the grocery store, back when they sold paperbacks there. There was always a fresh stack of library books above the toilet. She also plays a bold game of Jeopardy and knows history and culture like a pro. I'd say I owe her for my love of books, and greatly -- nothing else has given me such solace, inspiration, and passion.

My first time out of the country was a trip to Paris in 2009 to visit my friend Estelle -- she was my roommate when I lived in Brooklyn (the most amazing thing I've ever found on Craigslist :). One day while she was at work, I did a little research and found the Shakespeare and Company bookstore. I figured even if it wasn't great, the location was -- right along the Seine, just across a bridge from the Notre Dame cathedral.

I was not disappointed, and now every bookstore I visit is held up to Shakespeare and Company in comparison. The tiny rowhouse was absolutely crowded with books, on formal shelves, in mismatched vintage cases, in piles on chairs and in corners. A friendly cat meandered through the stacks. There were new books and used books and books older than the country, their smells all rolled together, something like cinnamon and tobacco.

Folk art celebrating books and authors was painted directly onto the walls. (I was ecstatic, of course, to find my pal Ernest Hemingway, and said hello to Mr. Scott Fitzgerald for my sister.)




Upstairs was a series of rooms, one with a collection of yellowing first and rare editions, and small windows decked with flower pots, where you could look down on the people passing by or at the river.





























In another room, a piano. I picked up a copy of The Bell Jar and lounged on a worn-in fouton while a young man with glasses played a slow melody, something he knew but it seemed hadn't practiced in a long time -- the slowness and thought only added to the beauty.



But my most favorite, favorite find was a magical tiny wooden hut. Inside, a typewriter, and hundreds of typed and handwritten notes tacked to the walls. There was advice to travelers, there were love letters to the bookstore, there were love letters.












"This place makes me happy. Someday my books will be in here. -- Danielle"

I don't remember what I wrote. One letter, in particular, stayed with me.


"Dear Shakespeare and Company:
I sit in this little box writing a letter to whoever wishes to read this. I ask you this question.

Where have you gone, have you experienced all the corners of this world? If not, go, don't wait, don't pause to think of the consequences, just go. Live the moment and make memories of all of the adventures you will find on the earth. From experience, going, doing and living in other places have enriched my life. So go, my friend, and live.

 -- Avery"


Wednesday, August 15, 2012

complicated candy




I am the office candy girl.

All three secretaries have candy on their desks. But mine by far is the most popular. The crayon-colored yellow, orange, blue and red orbs grab eyeballs as they walk past, trying to avoid their luring gaze, sticking to business. When I refill the bowl with fresh stock, they clank heavily against the glass like pebbles being dropped into a new fishbowl. In the room next door, the accountant's head pivots quickly, alerted to the arrival of her midmorning pick-me-up. I see her tempered excitement through the glass window, phone to ear, teeth biting over her lip as she ponders the moment of her brief reprieve.

"Does this mean I have to talk to you?" the husky partner says as he scoops up a serving of Peanut M&Ms, his third today. He always siphons out the Plains. "Only if you want to," I reply. There is no written etiquette around these things. Sometimes they're in a hurry, so they quickly spoon up a handful, unconcerned about the distribution of the colors or nuts -- 30 seconds til the conference call.

Everyone uses the spoon except one, who plucks one or two carefully with his fingers and grins like a kid who's found a forgotten carton of ice cream in the freezer. A kid with a bald spot, unmarried, too-long tie. Some, filling the brief quiet, ask me how I'm doing, how I like the place so far, what's going on this weekend. The conversation generally spans the time it takes to transfer the desired quantity from bowl to palm – and then we’re off into our separate orbits.

Mostly, I get smiles. And knowing nods. We share a moment of pure pleasure brought, uniquely, by a rainbow-hued, hardcased piece of milk chocolate, that great bite of crunchy-chewy-sweet. We feel, ever so briefly, like kids again. Sometimes we share a secret. "I went over my quota today," the accountant says, "but I'm OK with that, because I went running this morning." For the men, it's mostly fun, a forgetfulness of the rules; for the women, transgression. I comfort them in their time of sin. "It's OK," I say. "A little chocolate never hurt anyone."

The husky partner, scooping out his fourth, confesses, "I can't keep doing this -- fill it with dried fruit, or something!" We both know this feigned derision is all cover. A trust is formed. I will never take away his moment of late-afternoon joy.

The IT guy, passing by, points downward at the just-filled bowl. "That is evil," he says. On the way out, he helps himself. "Pure evil," looking me straight in the eye. Behind it, his happiness is winking.




photo credit here

slow and steady

























"Englightenment is like eating an elephant. You have to take it one bite at a time."
- Julia, my yoga teacher

photo credit here

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

the paradox of our age

We have bigger houses but smaller families;
more conveniences, but less time;
We have more degrees, but less sense;
more knowledge, but less judgement;
more experts, but more problems;
more medicines, but less healthiness;
We've been all the way to the moon and back,
but have trouble crossing the street to meet the new neighbor.
We built more computers to hold more information to produce more copies than ever,
but we have less communication;
We have become long on quantity,
but short on quality.
These are times of fast foods
but slow digestion;
Tall man but short character;
Steep profits but shallow relationships.
It's a time when there is much in the window, but nothing in the room.

- His Holiness the 14th Dalai Lama

Friday, August 10, 2012

you make a good argument...

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Happy Friday, y'all. Enjoy the ones you love.

Thursday, August 9, 2012

a fascinating read

Fantastic story in The Times discussing gender-nonconforming children, or those who struggle with accepting the title "boy" or "girl." Really digs into some of the meat of the topic, including cultural expectations for "boys" and "girls" and the power struggle between genders. I've been reading a lot of feminist literature lately, but not much about male identity issues, so it's awesome to see something that addresses both sides. Definitely check it out.

An excerpt:
"These days, flouting gender conventions extends even to baby naming: first names that were once unambiguously masculine are now given to girls. The shift, however, almost never goes the other way. That’s because girls gain status by moving into “boy” space, while boys are tainted by the slightest whiff of femininity. 'There’s a lot more privilege to being a man in our society,' says Diane Ehrensaft, a psychologist at the University of California, San Francisco, who supports allowing children to be what she calls gender creative. 'When a boy wants to act like a girl, it subconsciously shakes our foundation, because why would someone want to be the lesser gender?'"

If girls can be named Dillon and Jamie and Toni, why can't boys be named Amy or Sarah or Susan?

floating through my ipod



Monday, August 6, 2012

new york

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Visited New York with my boyfriend this weekend.... the city that will always, for me, be one of opposing forces… the happiness of making new memories with my current
boyfriend – walking across the Williamsburg bridge at 1 am, finding bliss in
the spectacular cityscape in Dumbo, getting lost in the miles and
miles of books at the Strand... And then, butting in, on occasion, when I step
back, in the bathroom, during the pause, the awareness that comes from sharing with him
the old memories, ones that I carved with the other boy, the one I followed here as a bright-eyed college grad almost five years ago – the cheeseburger and the creme
brulee French toast at our favorite cafe,
the weekend farmers’ market at Union Square, the hum of the young energy of Second Avenue,
the eclectic buzz of the Lower East Side (where he lives now) – and the slight
worry that maybe, maybe, he’ll turn up where we are, an intruder on our fresh
memories, or my old memories reborn.

The girl I was, who worked at 46th between 11th and 12th, all the way on the water, who trained, bussed and walked to work and ate $7 lunch specials and was too hard on herself,
the girl I am, whose scenery is very different, who with the slowness and green and air can feel her soul opening up
to being more forgiving.

The love of the bustle and opportunity and people and plenty, the
fascination at the color and convenience,
and then
The yearning for the sacredness of the pause, the inner reflection. How can you
value something if you never want for anything? New York, the Google of
cities,
everything tangible is at your fingertips, everything
spiritual?
Always a distraction ready
for when you don’t want to look inside.

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

dupont circle

energetic trombonists at night


well-paced guitarist at day
(accompanied by cutest fan club ever)

new

listening to music from india, walking
(slowly or quickly, depending on my mood), to work, paying attention
to how i move and how others move.
reading up on feminism, bodies and perfectionism and how we got this way...
setting up novel ideas in my head, and
expectations -- an equal parenting family (never before knowing there was such a thing,
an alternative), putting together bits and pieces of philosophies on how
i am going to raise my daughter, and cultivate my son, and expect of my husband. finally,
finally finding a yoga class i like, learning that i can support my pointy knees with towels,
catching a glimpse of krishna running
through sherbet colored fields,
floating home on clair de lune, on at just the right time on pandora
(remembering a beautiful moment when my beautiful friend played it on piano on one of our beautiful [too few] nights together. how her eyes fluttered closed.). loving cherries,
cheese, pizza with my boyfriend, the olympics, our cat on the edge of the couch,
eating, without analyzing -- just tasting.
living, without analyzing, just tasting.
good god, everything tastes so good.